nardi.net

Okay, a month since the last one. I moved the site from GitHub Pages to my home server. Let’s see if it works. 🤞

EDIT: It works! I just push to my server and a post-receive hook automatically builds and deploys it. And it’s even behind CloudFlare. 🎉

Feels good.

How about this—to make this a real honest-to-Goodness blog, I will make a log entry, on the web. A web log, if you will.

I am currently:

• Working on a stressful project at work.
• Being a parent. (Fun but tiring!)
• In pain because I tweaked my shoulder reaching for the nightstand??
• Old.
• Looking for houses during a heat wave—tiring, but I do love to imagine spending vast sums of money, so it’s not all bad.

I’m also taking mind-altering substances for the first time in my life, and this bullet point grew too large so now it’s a paragraph. Specifically, I am taking Wellbutrin/bupropion—I guess it’s an anti-depressant. No, I’m not depressed. Doc thinks maybe I have ADHD, but this is easier/safer than Adderall, so we’re trying this first as a way to fix insufficient serotonin uptake, which might help with motivation. I haven’t noticed anything so far except my tolerance of coffee has gone down (which, yes, does suck).

The concept that I might have a clinical diagnosis to explain my lifelong inability to motivate myself to do boring but important things (like homework) feels like…my heart is lighter, I guess. I’m hopeful. Less ashamed. Actually, I’m excited. I’m daydreaming about being on Adderall and suddenly being productive—suddenly being able to finish projects that I start, and focus my energy on the things I know I should be doing. I would be……unstoppable. At least, in my mind. Look, I’m so optimistic, I’m even writing a !@#$ing blog post pouring out my guts about an extremely personal topic as if I won’t be cringing at myself in less than a week.

Well, here’s to hoping.

You think you know me, Yesterday Kevin? You don’t know me. If I want to blog, I will. This blog entry is specifically here to remind you that you cannot and will not control me with your spectral hands reaching out to puppet me from the past. You are merely intended cause, but I am Effect, Will, Purpose, and no man, not even me, controls me.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

This is my blog. There are many like it, etc. I fully expect this to be the only post I ever make, as I have a terrible track record with blogs. Either that, or I’ll see you back here in a couple of years.

Godspeed.